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As of today, March 26, 2017, there have been 4,793,478 million photos posted on Instagram under the hashtag #relationshipgoals. On Google, there are 100k-1M searches for “relationship goals” every month.

You’d think, wow! That’s awesome! People are becoming more conscious about setting goals for their relationships and marriages.

Sadly to say, this is far from the truth.

When you look at what has been posted under #relationshipgoals, you’ll find photos of couples with matching sneakers, doing a yoga acrobatic, looking at the sunset on the beach, or showing off the new cars side by side.

While these things may be fun to accomplish with your partner, are they really the goals we should be striving for?

While some people may consider those “Instagram-worthy” #relationshipgoals, I’d like to share with you 3 #relationshipgoals that I’ve found that actually matter:

1.Pray together consistently. I experience such an emotional intimacy with Julian when we pray together. I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s hard for him to be vulnerable with me and share his concerns and feelings. Yet, when we pray, he is more open because he is not just talking to me, but he is talking to God. This gives me the opportunity to get the inside scoop and learn things about him that perhaps he was unwilling to share.

2.Tackle projects with a “together” mindset. I’ve noticed that whenever Julian and I have to get something done for the benefit of “the team,” whether it is going grocery shopping or cleaning the house, our attitude towards the project is what makes or breaks us. Chores around the house have to get done, so it’s up to us to decide if we’re going to approach them with a positive or negative attitude.

I love it when we cheer “Team Chacon Lets Go!” We put music on, do a funny dance and then go tackle our tasks together. We may not necessarily be in the same room while doing our tasks. I may broom the house, while he is doing work. When he is finished with work, he mops the floor. In the meantime, I may go grocery shopping. When I’m home from the supermarket, Julian meets me outside to help me carry the groceries. Julian then puts all the groceries away.

See? We created a system that allows us to tackle our chores around the house with a “together” mindset. This is for the team. We both benefit if the house is clean, the laundry is done, and there’s food to eat in the frigde. He is not doing me a favor and I’m not doing him a favor. We are doing this for us; for the team. We established this principle of having a good attitude early on to avoid bickering and arguing about minuscule things that can destroy the harmony in our home.

3.Check-in with each other. Soon after being married I realized that just because I live with Julian and share the same bed, that doesn’t mean that we’re living a connected life. I’ve realized how easy it is to be consumed in our individual work demands, and this leads us to forget to check-in with each other.

 It’s scary how little things like social media notifications or text messages pop in and take precedence in our lives. They give us a false sense of urgency that makes us feel as if we have to respond right away.

We really can’t control when those notifications come in. We can’t control when someone decides to call or text us. Yet, we feel responsible to respond to their request right way. Therefore, we live our lives in constant reaction mode.

That’s why Julian and I meet for about an hour every Sunday to check in with each other and review how each of us is doing in every aspect of our lives. This includes your emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial state.

This time is sacred for us. We don’t allow ourselves to enter the upcoming week without checking in and reviewing our prior week. This ensures that we both start off the week with a clean slate and stay up-to-date on what’s happening in each of our lives.

Those are 3 #relationshipgoals that Julian and I strive for in our marriage. What are yours?

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